I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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