I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
