D3 body, D1 cock
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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