ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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