Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
