I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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