I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
