I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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