i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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