Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
