I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
