Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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