she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
