if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
