I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize