Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
