he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You were trust falling into bushes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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