am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
