If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
