My Higher Power is John Stamos
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
