dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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