she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
