the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
