Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
