And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
