you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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