Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
