you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
