It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
