I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
