I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
