if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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