Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
