Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
