Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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