fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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