Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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