Already got asked if we're dating
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
