genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
