She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
