I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
