the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
