I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
