Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
