there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
