so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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