What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
