My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
