I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
