He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
