So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im part way to drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
