Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
