I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
