Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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