Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
