Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
