Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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