he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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