Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
