Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
