Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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