that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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