Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
vagina is talking i cant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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