I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
