wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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