halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am one with the molecules
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
