honey bunches of taint.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
