Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
3pm strippers are depressing
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
