Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
