Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize