No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
