I cannot find my penis.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
