She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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