are you still at the devil's house?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
