I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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