He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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