3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You need Xanax blowdarts
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
