my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
