Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
