I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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