Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
