she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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