Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
