I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
