Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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