I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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