alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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