So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize