it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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