just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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