I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
